Levi Johnston is a cock tease.

I have a feeling this sausage will be more erotic than Levi's playgirl spread. Ha ha, I just said spread.

Well, it looks like none of us are going to see the willy from wasilly.

I will be the first to admit I was looking forward to seeing this (I may be some sort of sexual deviant), but it looks as if Levi isn’t done letting people down. First the Palins and now America’s vast network of gays, lonely house wives, priests and Torrid shoppers. You know, this really grinds my gears.

First, you come all up in here with your stupid corn fed look, which we all know gets me everytime, then you start talking about how Sarah Palin is an idiot, further turning me on. You spend some time around gay icons like Kathy Griffin and yourself and then you tease us all with this Playgirl shoot. Sure, I will admit it, I was going to go and buy the magazine and hide it from my wife, maybe convince her I was just going out to the garage with a dirty magazine to fix the oil engine or whatever the hell makes a car drive… and then this.

In a statement posted on Gawker, spokesman Daniel Nardicio said the following about Levi and his manager:

“He did not give ‘full-frontal’ as his manager Tank Jones reported he would. We’re thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them. Although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity.”

There will be a hockey stick.

A hockey stick? Are you serious? A hockey stick? That’s about as sexually enticing as mentioning that other phallic objects will be in the shot with his non penis.

“Yeah dude, I hear Angelina Jolie is going to pose nude in Playboy. There won’t be any actual full frontal nudity, but I hear she is going to be covered in squash and cucumbers.”

I am a vegetarian (this week at least) but that means no animal meat, it doesn’t mean I can’t gawk and 165 lbs of Alaskan white trash.

Oh well, I guess I could always get a hobby and stop being such a pervert.

You know what? Screw that.

Oh look at me, I am sooo good looking.