Queers have bad taste – Chapter 1

I get flack all the time for being an outsider of sorts among my gay friends and the community as a whole. To be honest, I find a large part of what is considered “gay culture” to be crap. I don’t mean crap as in something old and useless that can be thrown away, I mean actual shit. I am such a dick.

I remember when Keisha came out and sang that really popular song about smelling and what not, so many of my gay friends were falling over themselves with awe. There is one thing I have noticed among these types of performances, the sluttier, the trashier, the more of an overt sexual train wreck, the better. Often times, the media in question doesn’t even have to be produced well or have a lot of quality put into it, the mere presence of a gay person or gay theme grants it an instant pass. I am sure at this point you are wondering why I even care and to that I have 3 words.

“Gay themed films”

They are, for the most part, GOD AWFUL. Not just painfully bad, but horribly written and revolve around nothing more than ass, sex and, the ever unique “Gay man with a swish and a come back for everything.” I am sure some of you are thinking, “But Justice, that’s you.” All I have to say in response is “That’s hateful and I don’t have a swish, I am just as funny as a mediocre Jewish writer.” Take that intolerance! The point is that these movies are so god awful and tacky, it is offensive to even consider them films. It’s sort of like BET, in the sense that making a film based on one thing only (race or sexuality) makes for crappy story telling and a one dimensional character. There are some enjoyable and well produced films that fall into the “gay themed” pile, Billy’s Hollywood Screen Kiss and Shelter, being two of them.

So that brings us to the materials in question today. I present to you the following videos and I will let you be the judge on how well they are executed.

First – Christinimina Magulemera

Christina is a talented singer, she doesn’t need to keep pushing the whore get up. I can understand the desire to dress as a plastic sailor and get spanked, I have been to WeHo, but Jesus. This entire song is just horrible, like going on a blind date only to arrive and find out the person you are meeting is 45 lbs heavier and 10 years older than they told you, horrible… oh and they are Chinese. It also doesn’t help that the video is trying to be a Lady Gage joint. When this was posted on a few gay blogs, the gays ate it up! I don’t know if you have ever heard a lisp over the Internet, but there were so many “awesomes” given out to this video that it sounded like….. well I can’t think of anything witty, it was just really lispy.

Second – Attack of the slap

This guy is a sign language interpretor and I have to say I respect his career choice. Spending your time to learn sign language and help others is an honorable thing to do, that being said, having a big heart doesn’t mean you can create this and be above criticism. Watch this video and ask yourself the entire time, “Why does love make the world fall down down down and what can we do to stop it? Or more so, what can we do to stop this video?” Not only is the song really bland and heavily over produced, but what is the point of singing, if you aren’t going to… sing? I can judge this video without remorse because I don’t need to be able to sing to do so, considering this person did not sing either.  Say it with me aspiring singers… “If you need Auto Tune to produce your hit CD, it’s time to check out refrigeration repair at Devry University.”

It also doesn’t help that the video is shot badly and the “story” is awkward and uncomfortable to watch. I have lived in this town for most of my life and I have never seen people walk around with “hate” above their heads. And you know I’ve looked.

I have never thought, “I bet a deaf person would really enjoy this song” before.  Also, who would have ever guessed that homophobia could be confronted with a sassy slap to the nose. Take that intolerance!

Final – Marriage-shake

Sean seems like a really nice guy and his message has good intentions. He is involved in a lot of gay rights groups and has his own channel devoted to the happenings of the gay political community. However…. dear god what is this? A parody of the famous (and no longer hip or popular) “Milkshake” song, sung to the lyrics of… gay marriage… I guess? I will give him credit for actually singing the song, as opposed to Helen Keller up there, but the lyrics in this song are so preposterous it almost makes me want to go to the other side. I mean, the lyrics don’t even match the tune of the song and they feel forced the entire time, not to mention the glaringly awkward vehcile they are delivered in. I am thankful we were spared a video to go along with this, as I can only vaguely imagine twinks drinking milkshakes and then breaking down into some tacky sex dance while wearing wedding dresses. On second thought…. that could be kinda of awesome.

So, until next time my little puppets, remember. Just because it involves gay-ness, doesn’t mean it gets a free pass. Seriously though, these videos are horrible. Take that intolerance!

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