Balloon Boy’s mother admits, “Yes, I am an idiot.”

I am going to file this under, “A dduuuurrrrrr.” If you are unaware as to how those letters sound when spoken, please email me and I will call you to perform them over the phone for you.

DENVER — The mother of the 6-year-old boy once feared missing inside a runaway helium balloon admitted the whole saga was a hoax, according to court documents released Friday.

Mayumi Heene told sheriff’s deputies that she and her husband Richard “knew all along that Falcon was hiding in the residence” in Fort Collins, according to an affidavit used to get a search warrant for the home.

She allegedly told investigators the incident was a hoax meant to make them more marketable to the media.

I don’t watch much television, so I had no idea that this balloon business was taking over the world and even less knowledge that CNN was treating it like the start of world war 3. After seeing this…

I am not surprised that their parents are being considered for child abuse and even less surprised that their kid upchucked on national TV. I too, would be moved to sickness, if my mother played carousel guitar as shitty as theirs did. I dare you to watch that video, her musical skills are just plain awful.

I didn’t follow this story, but when I see stories like this, one thing crosses my mind. If this had been two same sex parents, the rest of us would be beaten and trafficked into internment camps for endangering the beautiful innocence of a child. One of the boys in the video raps about hitting “faggots with a rock” or something along those lines. I am assuming they felt their story was believable because, what better place to hit faggots with rocks… than a floating silvery balloon traipsing gayly through the clouds?Some of you know several queers that would see something that shiny in the sky and be overcome with a vague sense of joy, completely making them immobile and therefor easy targets. I know this because, I too, have been made powerless by the odd jewel or shimmering glitter.

The best part was that they did all this to prove how marketable they were as a family. I think they did a great job.

We should all stayed tuned for Fox’s newest family sitcom.

“The Dipshits and their Magical Balloon -Oh, hey look, a faggot.” Long title? Sure. However, this is going to be better than Titus was and I know you all loved that show.

Read the full article, originally written by the AP