A look at Halloween’s passed

Halloween is fast approaching and every year I tell myself I am going to get in great shape and make some amazing costume, one that allows me to show off my freshly chiseled stomach and bulging biceps. Instead, I gorge my fat ass on Taco Bell and tell myself that tomorrow is the day I will start punishing my hideous body, all in the hopes that People magazine will tell me that I am pretty. Stars are not just like us, for none of them would ever allow themselves to become Earth orbiting bodies, as large as I, capable of devouring entire ethnic communities anywhere a Martin Luther King Blvd can be found.  Of course, tomorrow always comes and I find myself full of Taco Bell and the least likely to find a reason to go sit on the treadmill, while I admire the other in shape bodies, pretending to be stretching as I look their way.

Yeah… we get it. You’re skinny… asshole.

Being that I never seem to make any physical headway, I always decide to go as something that is expected to be hideous. A man, dressed as a woman.

Now we all know my dislike of drag queens on any other occasion, but I don’t consider a womanly costume, used for Halloween, as  a foray into drag. Even though, most of the time, such costumes are usually as ugly and tacky as drag queens tend to be. Yeah, I said it. Take that inclusiveness.

So this year, I have found the perfect costume, being that I could not gather the materials needed to make a Saron(You don’t even know what that is)  costume and everyone else was going as Max from WTWTA. I refuse to be THAT unoriginal, although the prospect of getting to sew my own costume was pretty enticing… and just when you thought I was all masculine and shit. Yeah, I like to sew.

So, without giving away any info on this years costume, let me give you a guided tour of Halloween costumes passed. Now, not all of them are woman. I think I went as mostly video game crap and nerd nonsense most of those years. However, as Taco Bell and I have become intertwined in a death spiral of mild sauce sexuality, curvaceous woman and dead things are all I dress up as of late.

I really am a catch… I swear.

“Patsy” from Absolutely Fabulous

Sadly, I don’t have all of the pictures from most of my Halloween costumes and naturally, I blame the Jews. Somewhere, in one of my moving boxes, there are mountains of pictures, all containing one hideous costumes after another. For now, enjoy the pictures below and feel free to be glad you have ever seen me nude.