Apple is too expensive. See Microsoft? It’s really easy.

Microsoft always seems to be a decade behind the trend. They have revolutionized the world with their technologies, but when it comes to pop culture or cultural memes, they always play the part of that obnoxious guy at the party who whips out his phone to show you ‘Chocolate Rain”, completely unaware that everyone already saw it two years ago and they don’t give a shit.

Microsoft ads have always been odd, awkward or just plain stupid. I won’t even go into great detail about the entire Jerry Seinfeld fiasco. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking? That ad campaign made me hate white people with an undying passion to the point that I would beat myself at night. Take that crackers!

Microsoft finally seemed to capitalize on some common sense when they started pointing out how ridiculously over priced Apple products were, but after doing that for a short while they decided to go with their “Windows 7 was my idea” campaign. I first thought that they had made a horrible advertising decision and had abandoned the one major thing that sparks product movement in a slow economy, price. Yet, I just may have been wrong. You see, when Windows 7 fails, as I am sure it will, it won’t be Microsoft’s fault.

It will be this assholes.

This is exactly why no one likes you Eric.

Can you imagine the flash mobs that will chase this guy around?

‘I was working on my script for The Return of E.T at the local Starbucks, when your operating system randomly crashed and deleted all of my work! I will never be a famous director now!”

You are screwed Eric, totally screwed. (I am sure you are wondering why I chose to name this guy Eric and it has everything to do with racial sensitivity. If I had named him Tyrone, the ACLU would have been after me as well as a gaggle of Erykah Badu fans.)

In the spirit of racial harmony, I also blame this chick, who I am sure is named something terribly white like Erin Cook. Erin Cook is not only responsible for the creation of Windows 7, but by the look of her face, she is also suffering from hard gas.

I should have asked them to cure my IBS

So what could Microsoft have done in place of these racially offensive diarrhea ads?

“APPLE IS OVER PRICED!”

Yeah, yeah, I am sure I just lost about 100 Facebook friends, but it’s the honest truth. Yes, Apple is pretty and they make a beautiful machine and they don’t have any of those pesky virus problems that often plague every PC I touch. They tend to be great for creative types and they even make you look hip and cool by association, but they are way over priced. I can purchase the SAME exact computing power on a PC for a third of the price that Apple can offer me.

Now, I am not a fan of either PC or Mac as I honestly think they both have their pros and cons. Neither system has given me a trouble free run and I have had just as many PCs crash on me as I have Macs. You also have to worry about the douchebag factor. It is tragically hip to own an Apple computer at the moment, even if you have no use for it. I can not tell you how many skinny emo girls I know that own amazing systems, yet use them for little more than double clicking their mouse to The Jonas Brothers website or trying to figure out which of their teenage crushes isn’t queer. (I am looking at you Elijah Wood… mainly cause you are so damned dreamy).

These girls don’t need a Mac, they don’t even need an Internet enabled phone and could get the same amount of use out of an empty shoebox and a rats head. However, being that Mac is the hip thing, Erika Middlestead just HAS to have one. So it seems I can either dole out $1,500.00 for a useless Dell or thrice the price and risk looking like a coffee shop frequenting hipster. Blarg.

Check out this video montage from Slate and judge for yourself the poorly constructed media campaign that has been Microsoft.

P.S. Apple, if you would please approve my credit card application, I will be more than happy to buy one of your over priced machines. I have my skinny jeans all ready to go!

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