Janet is bald and the hot chubby won American Idol

So, I didn’t follow American Idol this season, or really any season before this one, but I know enough about the show to see when it’s dead on arrival. First of all, the season had no exciting or outgoing singers, everyone looked like they were singing for a commercial about Valium and hairy armpits. The female singer, Barbara Stanwick, or whatever her name was, was the best singer of the two, so I have no idea how that chubby hottie won.

I have a thing for slightly attractive chubby guys, shut up.

Ok I will admit that in the picture above he looks like he just got done saying, “I did run out of toilet paper, so I just used my shirt and pieces of  my beard instead.  I am pretty sure we’re all good.”

As my mom and I watched all of the back patting and horribly written jokes, we couldn’t stop laughing in horror at just how bad the show was getting. I won’t even go into detail about how horribly Lee sang his victory song. He turned a Coldplay song into a melody that could have been played over cat pornography, with the intention of getting cats to “le fuck.” I will give him some leniency, considering he was probably overwhelmed that he had just beaten out Jewel as the winner, but still. Suck it up!

The highlight of the night!? The end. However Janet did make an appearance and she was enjoyable. I love me some Janet, even if it looked like her butt was stung by a hive of bees. Bees with jungle fever.

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SYSS – Lazy Town meets Lil John

I have never seen this show before, but it looks like something that comes about after two TV producers start a conversation with, “Hey. You wanna really fuck with some kids heads?”.

Part of me wants to watch the show, just because I love cake and rap. Together, they form some odd sexual food monster that ends up living in your pants, dropping icing and dope rhymes. Do black people still use the word dope? I really want to come off cool and in the know.

What I can gather from this video is that the original TV show involves cake and preparing children for their future lives as obese Americans with type 2 diabetes. Lil John adds the much needed minority view to the show and really reminds kids that everyone is equal and should be treated the same. Of course, by “treated the same” I mean sexual abuse and over eating.

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Daily Show: Laura Ingraham is hyperbolic spewing nut

I suppose the headline goes without saying, but it’s there never the less.

For those of you who do not have the pleasure of knowing the irony that is Laura Ingraham, please watch the video below. As you watch the small rally of, mainly middle class white people fight against an idea that would greatly benefit them, you can see the esteemed Mrs Ingraham compare Health Care reform with… you guessed it… The Holocaust.

Now, the extreme polar opposites of these two topics are not clearly visible to the ill informed and easily terrified, so you will have to forgive the ignorance of this woman. What makes the piece even more ironically hypocritical is that she is speaking of boogeyman coming for the rich and not stepping up to stop them, because she is not rich herself. While she is reciting a parable, she is lost and unaware of the fact that she is a very wealthy woman, one who came across her wealth by spewing lies and fearing the easily feared and stupid.

What would have really set this clip over the top is if the Earth split open beneath her feet and an army or Holocaust victims sprung from the ground and struck her down, while simultaneously berating her for her outfit and choices in life. Death by guilt, ridicule and Jewish zombies. Considering Mrs Ingraham is a Christian, I assume the idea of a Jewish zombie being slightly appealing to her… but multiply that by 1000 and she is screwed.

I must get violent in the morning.

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Roy Disney, Nephew Of Walt Disney, Dies

I’m sad to say that earlier today, Roy E. Disney, the nephew of Walt Disney, died.  He was 79.  Roy, who lost his year long battle with stomach cancer early Wednesday in Newport Beach, CA, was an avid supported of Disney’s art of animation as well as the arts in general and played a powerful role behind the scenes of the Walt Disney Co.

Company president and chief executive Bob Iger said Disney was much more than a valued 56-year company veteran.

Company president and chief executive Bob Iger said in a statement, “Roy’s commitment to the art of animation was unparalleled and will always remain his personal legacy and one of his greatest contributions to Disney’s past, present and future,” and Don Hahn, an executive producer at the Disney movie studio, praised Roy for ushering in a new era after taking over the animation department in 1984.  The two worked together creating several winners such as “Beauty and the Beast” and “The Lion King.”

“He took it under his wing, was a cheerleader, a coach, therapist,” Hahn said.

John Lasseter, chief creative officer for Walt Disney and Pixar Animation Studios, also commended Disney.

“He put his heart and soul into preserving Disney’s legendary past, while helping to move the art of animation into the modern age by embracing new technology,” said Lasseter.

For those of you who may or may not remember, Roy played a pivotal role in the ousting of  two of The Walt Disney Company’s former chief executives.  In 1984, after deciding the company was being steered into the wrong direction, Roy Disney resigned from the company’s board or directors and led investors in a campaign against Walt Disne’y's son-in-law, Ron Miller.  After appointing the team of Michael Eisner and Frank Wells in charge, later becoming just Eisner (Wells passed away in 1994) and nearly 20 years later, Roy led shareholders in another revolt against Eisner which eventually forced him to step down giving way to Bob Iger.

Roy was described by friends and colleagues as a “gracious, humble gentleman” someone  who remained loyal to his principals and friends.  His legacy, despite never including a chance to run The Walt Disney Company himself, can be felt and seen within the company’s successes throughout the past 30 years.

An active philanthropist, Disney also supported the California Institute of the Arts in Valencia, a school founded by his father and uncle, as well as pledged $10 million back in 2005 to establish the Roy and Patricia Disney Cancer Center at Providence St. Joseph Medical Center in Burbank.

His absence will sorely be missed.

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Tonight Show Performs Mormon Christmas Carol for Orrin Hatch

Hallelujah!  Utah’s Republican Senator, Orrin Hatch, has bestowed to the American public the gift of song!  Hatch, who just so happens to be a devout Mormon, tore up the charts this week with “8 Days Of Hanukkah” (watch below) a Christmas carol styled ditty for the Jewish community.

Not to be outdone in the festive spirit of the season, The Tonight Show’s Max Weinberg decided to return the favor and write a holiday song aimed specifically at Mormons starring the Mormon Tapper-nacle Choir.

Praise Jesus!  It truly is a Christmawanzakkah miracle!

P.S. Was anyone else bummed out after finding out Katherine Heigl is Mormon?

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Obama gives himself “solid B+” I give myself “Most Attractive Person EVER” See, I can make up shit too.

Well Folks, President Obama was at it again this past weekend with another one his signature sit down interviews.

America’ own Media Queen, Oprah sat down for a warm and fuzzy, one-on-one interview with President Obama for her Christmas at the White House special which aired Sunday night on ABC.  Oprah, who fawns over Obama so much she looks like the sad, middle-aged white women who fawn over Oprah, asked President Obama what grade he would give himself for his first year in office and boy what an answer he gave her.  “A good, solid B-plus” he responded in his sophisticated yet chocolaty smooth manner.

(video after the jump)

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Sexism strikes scrubbing bubbles, feminists everywhere demand the end of loofahs!

I happen to find this Method ad funny, albeit creepy.  I guess that’s because I am a lecherous pervert, out for fresh vagina, or at least that is what I am supposed to think. After so much politically correct enlightenment, I have come to the conclusion I may be an ass, considering I find most everything funny while realizing a large percent of the people around me do not.

In light of this constant stream of blubbering fecundity, I am going to start adding these politically humorous affronts to the blog.  From now on, all things offensive to those without a thick skin shall be found under this heading and they shall also share the good honor of lifting my spirits. That is, of course, unless booze can be found and in such case, the booze shall do the lifting and the blog shall go to shit.

 

Video after the jump!

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SYSS – As untouched as the turn signal in an Asian woman’s car.

In today’s Shit You Should See. (I used curse words!)

Family Guy never fails to deliver. While this clip is not new, it was on tonight on Adult Swim and I couldn’t stop laughing,

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