Augmented Reality coming to you soon. Grab a bat and beat some hookers!

Marc Owens’s augmented reality project “Avatar Machine” puts its users in VR helmets that display the world around them as though they were playing a third-person game, so that their own body is seen from behind. Owens theorizes that “The system potentially allows for a diminished sense of social responsibility, and could lead the user to demonstrate behaviors normally reserved for the gaming environment.”

I don’t buy the argument that people will, somehow, forget they are in an AR device and suddenly start murdering people like some deranged nut job, but I will admit that several hours of Mario Brothers leaves me feeling the urge to eat every mushroom I see and shit coins out of my ass. Then again, where else would one shit anything, if not the ass?

Extra points if you can name the music in the background.

Here is another video showing, what seems to be a prototype. I particuarly enjoy watching the passersby anbd teir responses. “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”

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Scientists create one of the Deathly Hallows.

It’s about time that scientists start doing something important with all that money. Sure, cures for cancer and stem cell research are all fine and dandy, but I fail to see how Christopher Reeve’s ability to walk has anything to do with my right to hide in the shower room at the gym unnoticed. Oh you think that’s sick? I will tell you what’s sick. All of you well built and in shape douche bags walking around making me feel bad about my body and plantain shaped man boobs. If I lack the will to get to the gym every night to alter my body to a form more visually pleasing, is it so wrong for me to replace exercise with perversity while lurking in the darkness of the 24 Hour fitness steam room?

You know what? Change of subject… I can feel several hundred people judging me at once.

Scientists have been working on this for a while and every few months it appears in the news again as if it was something we hadn’t heard of. Oddly enough, there is always a Harry Potter invisibility cloak included in these news reports. I refuse to break that trend.

 

The idea centres on the use of a ‘metamaterial’ surface, which tricks the eye into thinking an item is not there by bending light away as it reflects from the source.

Metamaterials are created by altering the internal structure of existing materials using complex nanoscale patterns to change their properties.Imperial College London and the University of Southampton have been awarded the grant from The Leverhulme Trust for further research in the field.

At present objects can be made invisible to larger wavelengths such as radar but not to smaller wavelengths like light.

Scientists hope to create materials which force light to flow around the object masking it from the human eye and essentially making it invisible.

Surfaces can be made to manipulate all forms of radiation such as light, microwaves and terahertz radiation leading to potential uses in medicine, security and data communications.

Metamaterials could also be used to build a “perfect lens” microscope to view particles smaller than the wavelength of light used to view them.

Read the entire article at The Telegraph.

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There’s a lawsuit for that.

What would the Christmas season be without a knock down drag out fight? A failure that’s what! Nothing warms our hearts better than the sound of falling prices, lawsuits, and mud slinging. Never one to disappoint, Verizon started early this year. If you haven’t seen the commercials yet you probably live under a rock, but just in case here’s a link to the one that started it all.

Taking a note from the iPhone ads touting “There’s an app for that,” Verizon’s spin off “There’s a map for that” hit our TV’s early October. The ads feature happy Verizon users surfing the 3g network in contrast to the not so happy iPhone zombie shaking his head as a map displaying poor coverage hovers above. My favorite so far is the “Blue Christmas” ad.

What’s not to love about this commercial? As anyone with an iPhone will tell you, when the 3G signal drops you can forget using that phone for anything more then making calls. Even in Los Angeles my very own iPhone has forsaken me. One of the largest metropolitan cities in the continental United States and I can’t get a good 3G signal? Come on AT&T, I thought we were buds? All laughing aside AT&T has launched a law suit claiming Verizon is trying to fool viewers into thinking they can’t use ATT&T services outside of 3G coverage areas. While it is true, AT&T does have 2G coverage, have you tried making a call on the 2G network recently? “Can you hear me now,” I didn’t think so. How about instead of spending money on lawsuits, why not just update your 3G coverage and drop the 2G? Would that really be so hard AT&T? Verizon didn’t think so… In response to the lawsuit Verizon has changed the ads at the behest of AT&T, editing them to remove the phrase “out of touch” and adding a “Voice and data services available outside of 3G areas” in small print at the end. Apparently this wasn’t enough for AT&T who still insists the ad will confuse non-technical viewers. I don’t think Verizon cares much about the lawsuit, just this evening I saw an advertisement that I found quite amusing.

Is there an app for that AT&T?

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Apple is too expensive. See Microsoft? It’s really easy.

Microsoft always seems to be a decade behind the trend. They have revolutionized the world with their technologies, but when it comes to pop culture or cultural memes, they always play the part of that obnoxious guy at the party who whips out his phone to show you ‘Chocolate Rain”, completely unaware that everyone already saw it two years ago and they don’t give a shit.

Microsoft ads have always been odd, awkward or just plain stupid. I won’t even go into great detail about the entire Jerry Seinfeld fiasco. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking? That ad campaign made me hate white people with an undying passion to the point that I would beat myself at night. Take that crackers!

Microsoft finally seemed to capitalize on some common sense when they started pointing out how ridiculously over priced Apple products were, but after doing that for a short while they decided to go with their “Windows 7 was my idea” campaign. I first thought that they had made a horrible advertising decision and had abandoned the one major thing that sparks product movement in a slow economy, price. Yet, I just may have been wrong. You see, when Windows 7 fails, as I am sure it will, it won’t be Microsoft’s fault.

It will be this assholes.

 

Can you imagine the flash mobs that will chase this guy around?

‘I was working on my script for The Return of E.T at the local Starbucks, when your operating system randomly crashed and deleted all of my work! I will never be a famous director now!”

You are screwed Eric, totally screwed. (I am sure you are wondering why I chose to name this guy Eric and it has everything to do with racial sensitivity. If I had named him Tyrone, the ACLU would have been after me as well as a gaggle of Erykah Badu fans.)

In the spirit of racial harmony, I also blame this chick, who I am sure is named something terribly white like Erin Cook. Erin Cook is not only responsible for the creation of Windows 7, but by the look of her face, she is also suffering from hard gas.

 

So what could Microsoft have done in place of these racially offensive diarrhea ads?

“APPLE IS OVER PRICED!”

Yeah, yeah, I am sure I just lost about 100 Facebook friends, but it’s the honest truth. Yes, Apple is pretty and they make a beautiful machine and they don’t have any of those pesky virus problems that often plague every PC I touch. They tend to be great for creative types and they even make you look hip and cool by association, but they are way over priced. I can purchase the SAME exact computing power on a PC for a third of the price that Apple can offer me.

Now, I am not a fan of either PC or Mac as I honestly think they both have their pros and cons. Neither system has given me a trouble free run and I have had just as many PCs crash on me as I have Macs. You also have to worry about the douchebag factor. It is tragically hip to own an Apple computer at the moment, even if you have no use for it. I can not tell you how many skinny emo girls I know that own amazing systems, yet use them for little more than double clicking their mouse to The Jonas Brothers website or trying to figure out which of their teenage crushes isn’t queer. (I am looking at you Elijah Wood… mainly cause you are so damned dreamy).

These girls don’t need a Mac, they don’t even need an Internet enabled phone and could get the same amount of use out of an empty shoebox and a rats head. However, being that Mac is the hip thing, Erika Middlestead just HAS to have one. So it seems I can either dole out $1,500.00 for a useless Dell or thrice the price and risk looking like a coffee shop frequenting hipster. Blarg.

Check out this video montage from Slate and judge for yourself the poorly constructed media campaign that has been Microsoft.

P.S. Apple, if you would please approve my credit card application, I will be more than happy to buy one of your over priced machines. I have my skinny jeans all ready to go!

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A new Hero emerges!

 

Have you ever held something that felt like it was made for you, something that felt as if it were crafted to fit in your hand? Have you ever had something that fit your personality so perfectly you can’t remember life without it? Can you imagine all of this in a cell phone? Neither could I, then I was asked to review the new HTC Hero from Sprint.

It’s hard to describe the feeling of this phone. It’s neither too big nor too small. The first thing to jump out at you is how solid this phone feels. It’s amazing. No creaking plastic, gaps in the seams, or easily scratched surfaces. I fell in love with its brushed aluminum casing almost immediately. But there is so much more then its sleek exterior is letting on.

What makes this phone feel so perfect, like you can’t live without it? The Google Android system it comes loaded with is fully customizable.  From the home screen to the way the Icons look, you can customize every aspect of this phone to truly fit your personality. Should you decided to be more of a Jock than the Shy guy next-door, the phone can switch to match your personality.  Truly incredible, and not something many phones offer.

The other thing I liked about this phone is its blazing fast internet. Without a doubt this phone takes full advantage of the Sprint 3g network. I was able to make changes to my OpenTable reservation while stuck in Los Angeles traffic and check my Facebook updates in a matter of seconds. To a busy professional on the go, this becomes quite important. This phone quickly becomes your personal assistant, delivering your e-mail and your schedule at the touch of a button.

Did I mention this phone is completely touch screen? Like other phones out there its crystal clear display is great for video but more then that, its very responsive. Not once did I have a problem typing a text message or touching any of the icons… and I have large hands and clumsy thumbs!

So let’s talk app store. Granted it’s just starting out, but the Android store has more apps then this user knew what to do with.  There were apps to further customize your interface, office to go, and tons of games. The store is easy to use and the installation of new programs was very quick and easy.

Although the Hero is a very strong phone with some amazing features, it does have its faults.  My main complaint is, how can you make a phone so powerful and leave out the one feature most users are screaming for, a pull out keyboard. Granted the onscreen keyboard is very responsive and the track ball was a joy to use, it would have been nice to have the option for some real finger on key action. My other complaint: hitting the end call button doesn’t close the application, it puts the phone to sleep. There was a learning curve for this and the first day was a bit aggravating.

One last thought to leave you with, when you get a phone call from your annoying aunt, simply turn the phone over on it’s screen and it stops ringing. How’s that for call screening?

I would give the Hero a solid 8 out of 10 stars. There is room for improvement like with any phone, but HTC, Google, Sprint and Android have crafted a great phone that is sure to keep even the shortest attention span busy for hours on end.

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Tell your facebook friends to “suck it”

Well, we have all seen the obnoxious groups complaining that Facebook lacks a “dislike” function, but with a new Firefox Plugin, you can now tell your friends that their status update or new picture sucks balls.

We all have friends that post inane or annoying comments, photos, or videos on Facebook. Sure, we can hide their content, but more and more Facebookers are looking for a dislike option to visually show their disapproval.

You can download the plug in here or read the full article here.

The only catch to this new option is that your friends have to have the plugin installed in order to see your disapproval.

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Scottish shoot lasers at presidential heads. Indians shed a single tear.

The Scottish have developed a laser imaging technique in which they fire lasers at something and then something else happens, then BAM, fully lifelike computerized models of said object. After reading the article, this is what I have picked up so far.

“‘Long have the Americans out lasered us with their laser like laserness. Today, I, McFinigan of the Scots have developed a new type of laser that will shoot a laser at things in which we direct it. When the laser strikes said object, it will be all like, “ouch” and we will be all like, “Shut up, thing, it’s time you felt the power of the Scottish army” and then it will say, “But Scotland doesn’t have an army” to which I will reply, “Fuck you, FIRE LASERS!”‘

Now, I have been told that I don’t read that smart and often times spell complicated words with numbers and crudely sketched images of turtles riding other turtles, but that is beside the point. Read further and discover the useless gift of being able to understand scientific bullshit.

In an era of computer animation, with gamers navigating virtual universes at the click of a mouse, making laser scans of old monuments may not sound special, but the Scottish team has achieved some unprecedented levels of sophistication with their models. Through scanning, the experts can conjure up what objects looked like ages ago, in effect turning the clock back on ancient sites. They can simulate the effects of climate change, urban encroachment or other natural or man-made disasters on those same sites, peering into the future.

Given a proposal for a new building in a city like Edinburgh, they can also create virtual realities, almost microscopically accurate, so viewers might see what the building looks like from all angles in the place where it’s intended to go, including the shadows it might cast at different times of day.

The technology isn’t brand new or unique to Scotland, but the Glasgow team is on its cultural front line. Douglas Pritchard, a Canadian-born architect by training, is the wizard behind the Digital Design Studio at the art school. He heads the Scottish laser expedition with David Mitchell, director of Historic Scotland’s Technical Conservation Group. Describing how fast laser modeling has progressed and how far it might soon go, Mr. Pritchard said, “We’re no longer a million miles from the ‘Star Trek’ holodeck.”

He was perfectly serious.

Forget about stem cells or cancer, what we really need is holodecks! Now, I am sure some of you will poo poo this idea and come back with some nonsense about children or some other crap, but think of this. If we could all live in a fully interactive hologram, we wouldn’t need real children. Plus, in a hologram based economy, beating children wouldn’t be a crime, because you could just reboot them, erasing all evidence and digital guilt.

Don’t act like you have never wanted to beat your children, lest I remind you that lying is a sin.

Crap, I have forgotten the original intent of this post. Oh yes!

Scotland is preparing to attack our monuments with laser canons and there is little we can do. Sucks to be us.

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My iPhone is picturing you naked and it just threw up.

 

If you thought that owning an iPhone made you a douche bag before, just wait. With the acquisition of this new iPhone app, you can turn your perversity to full on eye rape. According to this bald dude, there is a new app on the way for the iPhone that would be the ultimate in augmented reality. The program will supposedly record live video or take a live image and show you what the subject looks like, under the clothes. Which is scientific for naked time. Imagine how fun your next family argument will be when you can pull the, “Its hard for me to take someone with man tits seriously” card. Cut to you being removed from the house and knowing what your moms junk looks like.

Shudder*

There, I placated my imagination long enough, but it’s time to get back to reality. Obviously this is a joke or some sort of publicity stunt. The iPhone or any other consumer device available, does not have the capability to do this. It is, however, one hell of a job and kudos go to the pranksters. I recall several years ago when people where using a cameras night vision, during the day, to see under the clothes of their victims. The technique did not work that well and it showed mainly panties and skin, nothing to run home and squeeze one out too. Women also happened to be the targets of these pranks, so double eww.

Yes women, your bodies are oddly shaped and repulsive. It has to be true, because I read that somewhere on the internet.

Oh right, it was here.

Sexism and titties aside, I would be the first person to buy an iPhone just to have this app as there are several friends on my Facebook account that I would pay to see naked. 24 hour access to porn and Michael Bay movies have destroyed my imagination. Ahh, oh well. Here is some video showing the magical app in action.

P.S Stop arguing amongst yourselves about which of you I would want to see naked. If you are a male, chances are you are on the list. This includes fatties.

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