Microsoft vs. Apple

“Who would you rather sleep with?”

So we all know there are some pretty amazing tech gadgets on the horizon. Apple fan boys are practically creaming over the rumored Mac tablet, but lately rumors of a new tablet have emerged. Has anyone else heard of the Microsoft Courier? While none of these machines actually exists, I thought it would be fun to do a side-by-side comparison anyway.

I am light enough for hipsters to carry around, don't worry.

What has made us so hard about the Mac tablet? This bad boy is said to completely blow away all competition. With rumors of models with and without 3G connectivity, price points from $600.00 to $1000.00 and an integrated web cam so you can handle yourself as well as the tablet. What’s not to like? There are also rumors that Apple has been talking to quite a few publishers about digital ink. Some speculate this tablet will be nothing more then a glorified e-reader while others think it could completely destroy the netbook market. Apple is famous for their secrecy, so the Mac Tablet is really anyone’s guess.

Now you can BSOD while on the go.

On the flip side, Microsoft delivers us the Courier videos. If you have not seen this beauty in action, please check out the link below.

Microsoft has said the courier is in product development at the moment, but what a concept. Dual screens that react to a pen, and your able to hand write your notes? This completely blows away the idea of a virtual keyboard. With the ability to surf the Internet and paste clippings into whatever you’re working on, projects become a snap. There is also a camera for taking pictures, and it folds up into a much smaller easier to carry notebook shape. Should Microsoft release this product, I can see it in college classrooms everywhere.

No matter who blows you best, both Microsoft and Apple are sure to wow their fans this year. Bring on 2010 and all the gadgets that come with!

There’s a lawsuit for that.

What would the Christmas season be without a knock down drag out fight? A failure that’s what! Nothing warms our hearts better than the sound of falling prices, lawsuits, and mud slinging. Never one to disappoint, Verizon started early this year. If you haven’t seen the commercials yet you probably live under a rock, but just in case here’s a link to the one that started it all.

Taking a note from the iPhone ads touting “There’s an app for that,” Verizon’s spin off “There’s a map for that” hit our TV’s early October. The ads feature happy Verizon users surfing the 3g network in contrast to the not so happy iPhone zombie shaking his head as a map displaying poor coverage hovers above. My favorite so far is the “Blue Christmas” ad.

What’s not to love about this commercial? As anyone with an iPhone will tell you, when the 3G signal drops you can forget using that phone for anything more then making calls. Even in Los Angeles my very own iPhone has forsaken me. One of the largest metropolitan cities in the continental United States and I can’t get a good 3G signal? Come on AT&T, I thought we were buds? All laughing aside AT&T has launched a law suit claiming Verizon is trying to fool viewers into thinking they can’t use ATT&T services outside of 3G coverage areas. While it is true, AT&T does have 2G coverage, have you tried making a call on the 2G network recently? “Can you hear me now,” I didn’t think so. How about instead of spending money on lawsuits, why not just update your 3G coverage and drop the 2G? Would that really be so hard AT&T? Verizon didn’t think so… In response to the lawsuit Verizon has changed the ads at the behest of AT&T, editing them to remove the phrase “out of touch” and adding a “Voice and data services available outside of 3G areas” in small print at the end. Apparently this wasn’t enough for AT&T who still insists the ad will confuse non-technical viewers. I don’t think Verizon cares much about the lawsuit, just this evening I saw an advertisement that I found quite amusing.

Is there an app for that AT&T?

Apple is too expensive. See Microsoft? It’s really easy.

Microsoft always seems to be a decade behind the trend. They have revolutionized the world with their technologies, but when it comes to pop culture or cultural memes, they always play the part of that obnoxious guy at the party who whips out his phone to show you ‘Chocolate Rain”, completely unaware that everyone already saw it two years ago and they don’t give a shit.

Microsoft ads have always been odd, awkward or just plain stupid. I won’t even go into great detail about the entire Jerry Seinfeld fiasco. Seriously, what the hell were they thinking? That ad campaign made me hate white people with an undying passion to the point that I would beat myself at night. Take that crackers!

Microsoft finally seemed to capitalize on some common sense when they started pointing out how ridiculously over priced Apple products were, but after doing that for a short while they decided to go with their “Windows 7 was my idea” campaign. I first thought that they had made a horrible advertising decision and had abandoned the one major thing that sparks product movement in a slow economy, price. Yet, I just may have been wrong. You see, when Windows 7 fails, as I am sure it will, it won’t be Microsoft’s fault.

It will be this assholes.

This is exactly why no one likes you Eric.

Can you imagine the flash mobs that will chase this guy around?

‘I was working on my script for The Return of E.T at the local Starbucks, when your operating system randomly crashed and deleted all of my work! I will never be a famous director now!”

You are screwed Eric, totally screwed. (I am sure you are wondering why I chose to name this guy Eric and it has everything to do with racial sensitivity. If I had named him Tyrone, the ACLU would have been after me as well as a gaggle of Erykah Badu fans.)

In the spirit of racial harmony, I also blame this chick, who I am sure is named something terribly white like Erin Cook. Erin Cook is not only responsible for the creation of Windows 7, but by the look of her face, she is also suffering from hard gas.

I should have asked them to cure my IBS

So what could Microsoft have done in place of these racially offensive diarrhea ads?

“APPLE IS OVER PRICED!”

Yeah, yeah, I am sure I just lost about 100 Facebook friends, but it’s the honest truth. Yes, Apple is pretty and they make a beautiful machine and they don’t have any of those pesky virus problems that often plague every PC I touch. They tend to be great for creative types and they even make you look hip and cool by association, but they are way over priced. I can purchase the SAME exact computing power on a PC for a third of the price that Apple can offer me.

Now, I am not a fan of either PC or Mac as I honestly think they both have their pros and cons. Neither system has given me a trouble free run and I have had just as many PCs crash on me as I have Macs. You also have to worry about the douchebag factor. It is tragically hip to own an Apple computer at the moment, even if you have no use for it. I can not tell you how many skinny emo girls I know that own amazing systems, yet use them for little more than double clicking their mouse to The Jonas Brothers website or trying to figure out which of their teenage crushes isn’t queer. (I am looking at you Elijah Wood… mainly cause you are so damned dreamy).

These girls don’t need a Mac, they don’t even need an Internet enabled phone and could get the same amount of use out of an empty shoebox and a rats head. However, being that Mac is the hip thing, Erika Middlestead just HAS to have one. So it seems I can either dole out $1,500.00 for a useless Dell or thrice the price and risk looking like a coffee shop frequenting hipster. Blarg.

Check out this video montage from Slate and judge for yourself the poorly constructed media campaign that has been Microsoft.

P.S. Apple, if you would please approve my credit card application, I will be more than happy to buy one of your over priced machines. I have my skinny jeans all ready to go!

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