Scottish shoot lasers at presidential heads. Indians shed a single tear.

The Scottish have developed a laser imaging technique in which they fire lasers at something and then something else happens, then BAM, fully lifelike computerized models of said object. After reading the article, this is what I have picked up so far.

“‘Long have the Americans out lasered us with their laser like laserness. Today, I, McFinigan of the Scots have developed a new type of laser that will shoot a laser at things in which we direct it. When the laser strikes said object, it will be all like, “ouch” and we will be all like, “Shut up, thing, it’s time you felt the power of the Scottish army” and then it will say, “But Scotland doesn’t have an army” to which I will reply, “Fuck you, FIRE LASERS!”‘

Now, I have been told that I don’t read that smart and often times spell complicated words with numbers and crudely sketched images of turtles riding other turtles, but that is beside the point. Read further and discover the useless gift of being able to understand scientific bullshit.

In an era of computer animation, with gamers navigating virtual universes at the click of a mouse, making laser scans of old monuments may not sound special, but the Scottish team has achieved some unprecedented levels of sophistication with their models. Through scanning, the experts can conjure up what objects looked like ages ago, in effect turning the clock back on ancient sites. They can simulate the effects of climate change, urban encroachment or other natural or man-made disasters on those same sites, peering into the future.

Given a proposal for a new building in a city like Edinburgh, they can also create virtual realities, almost microscopically accurate, so viewers might see what the building looks like from all angles in the place where it’s intended to go, including the shadows it might cast at different times of day.

The technology isn’t brand new or unique to Scotland, but the Glasgow team is on its cultural front line. Douglas Pritchard, a Canadian-born architect by training, is the wizard behind the Digital Design Studio at the art school. He heads the Scottish laser expedition with David Mitchell, director of Historic Scotland’s Technical Conservation Group. Describing how fast laser modeling has progressed and how far it might soon go, Mr. Pritchard said, “We’re no longer a million miles from the ‘Star Trek’ holodeck.”

He was perfectly serious.

Forget about stem cells or cancer, what we really need is holodecks! Now, I am sure some of you will poo poo this idea and come back with some nonsense about children or some other crap, but think of this. If we could all live in a fully interactive hologram, we wouldn’t need real children. Plus, in a hologram based economy, beating children wouldn’t be a crime, because you could just reboot them, erasing all evidence and digital guilt.

Don’t act like you have never wanted to beat your children, lest I remind you that lying is a sin.

Crap, I have forgotten the original intent of this post. Oh yes!

Scotland is preparing to attack our monuments with laser canons and there is little we can do. Sucks to be us.

My iPhone is picturing you naked and it just threw up.

Why no... these are prescription. Why do you ask?

If you thought that owning an iPhone made you a douche bag before, just wait. With the acquisition of this new iPhone app, you can turn your perversity to full on eye rape. According to this bald dude, there is a new app on the way for the iPhone that would be the ultimate in augmented reality. The program will supposedly record live video or take a live image and show you what the subject looks like, under the clothes. Which is scientific for naked time. Imagine how fun your next family argument will be when you can pull the, “Its hard for me to take someone with man tits seriously” card. Cut to you being removed from the house and knowing what your moms junk looks like.

Shudder*

There, I placated my imagination long enough, but it’s time to get back to reality. Obviously this is a joke or some sort of publicity stunt. The iPhone or any other consumer device available, does not have the capability to do this. It is, however, one hell of a job and kudos go to the pranksters. I recall several years ago when people where using a cameras night vision, during the day, to see under the clothes of their victims. The technique did not work that well and it showed mainly panties and skin, nothing to run home and squeeze one out too. Women also happened to be the targets of these pranks, so double eww.

Yes women, your bodies are oddly shaped and repulsive. It has to be true, because I read that somewhere on the internet.

Oh right, it was here.

Sexism and titties aside, I would be the first person to buy an iPhone just to have this app as there are several friends on my Facebook account that I would pay to see naked. 24 hour access to porn and Michael Bay movies have destroyed my imagination. Ahh, oh well. Here is some video showing the magical app in action.

P.S Stop arguing amongst yourselves about which of you I would want to see naked. If you are a male, chances are you are on the list. This includes fatties.