Stuff White People Like

www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

This website is hilarious and it can also be a life saver if, during the holidays, you find yourself struggling to find that perfect gift for one of your uptight WASP relative(s).  It list some of the more trademark items on a stereotypical white person’s wish list, my personal favorite being “Pea coats” and “Asian girls.”

Check out the full list here.

read more

“God hates Lady Gaga” claims Fred Phelps. “I hate Fred Phelps” claims everyone else.

Good ol’ Fred Phelps is at it again!

He and his Westboro Baptist “church” members have set their sights on the pop/performance artist Lady Gaga claiming she is some kind of evil, senseless whore who was sent forth to turn our younger generation’s hearts and minds away from God and toward her glittery peash.   All I can say is, wow.

Phelps’ church is currently in the midst of a campaign against Lady Gaga stating in a recent press statement their intentions to picket Lady Gaga’s next performance in St. Louis, MO on January 7.

“Thou hadst a whore’s forehead, thou refusedst to be ashamed…Will He reserve HIs anger forever? Will he keep it to the end? Behold, thou hast spoken and done evil things as thou couldest.” Jer 3:3,5

“Art” and “fashion” are the euphemisms, the guise under which proud whore Lady Gaga teaches rebellion against God (incidentally, her claim to the title of “lady” is sound only if she tacks on “of the night,” thereby alluding to another euphemism of what she is.) As much as she’d like to pretend otherwise, there’s nothing new or different about this particular hussy’s pretentious prancing. Does the simple slut truly think that she can change God’s standards by seducing a generation of rebels into joining her in fist-raised, stiff-necked, hard-hearted rebellion against Him? Get real!

Even as she gives lip-service to “liberating” her young fans, Lady Gaga brings them into slavery to their own corruption, teaching them to glory in their shame. She hates you! “For when they speak great swelling words of vanity, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through much wantonness…While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption!” 2 Pet. 2:18-19

YOU’RE GOING TO HELL.

(more…)

read more

Daily Show: Laura Ingraham is hyperbolic spewing nut

I suppose the headline goes without saying, but it’s there never the less.

For those of you who do not have the pleasure of knowing the irony that is Laura Ingraham, please watch the video below. As you watch the small rally of, mainly middle class white people fight against an idea that would greatly benefit them, you can see the esteemed Mrs Ingraham compare Health Care reform with… you guessed it… The Holocaust.

Now, the extreme polar opposites of these two topics are not clearly visible to the ill informed and easily terrified, so you will have to forgive the ignorance of this woman. What makes the piece even more ironically hypocritical is that she is speaking of boogeyman coming for the rich and not stepping up to stop them, because she is not rich herself. While she is reciting a parable, she is lost and unaware of the fact that she is a very wealthy woman, one who came across her wealth by spewing lies and fearing the easily feared and stupid.

What would have really set this clip over the top is if the Earth split open beneath her feet and an army or Holocaust victims sprung from the ground and struck her down, while simultaneously berating her for her outfit and choices in life. Death by guilt, ridicule and Jewish zombies. Considering Mrs Ingraham is a Christian, I assume the idea of a Jewish zombie being slightly appealing to her… but multiply that by 1000 and she is screwed.

I must get violent in the morning.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
Highway to Health – Last Tea Party Protest of the Year
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

read more

All I want for Christmas is a naked midget.

There, I said it. We all have things we are ashamed to admit in public, well now I am guilt free. It could be the fact that it’s 6 am, that I am hungry or that I took a weird hairy pill I found under the fridge, but whatever the case may be, I felt like being honest.

Don’t you look at me like that.

Chris keeps asking me what I really want for Christmas and there it is. I want to open up a big old box, wrapped with a bow, only to find an elf inside. I am pretty sure he could pull this off, because I read somewhere that midgets don’t use as much air as us, so the box would be fine with one perfectly placed breathing hole.

I expect this for Christmas, let it be known.

read more

My God knows how to lay the pipe.

 

Well it looks like an Australian church is in hot water for creating and advertising an image that, some say, is offensive to the idea of God and Christianity. The image (above obviously) depicts Joseph in bed with Mary with the words “God was a hard act to follow” placed above it. Joseph looks dejected, which may or may not have anything to do with the fact that the person he is sleeping with is a woman, while Mary looks like she is wondering if she had left the gas on. I would assume she did.

I take offense to this ad for simple reasons of factual dishonesty. I was always told that God had a little dick, so obviously his sexual prowess is in question.

The image was supposedly created to spark a discussion about the creation of Jesus and to force people to consider the real meaning and history behind Christmas. Now, I am not a religion man in the slightest, but I would think there would be several choices above this that may serve their purposes more appropriately. Perhaps maybe an image of Baby Jesus getting his DNA tested, with the words “Real men stick around”, plastered above his head. Or even just a big question mark with the words, “Why the hell would you want to be a Christian” in bright bold letters?

I digress.

The ad is apparently causing a discussion, but it’s not the nature that the church had intended. The local radios have been inundated with callers, furious about the images while other Christians are calling it sexist. One man, who claims to hail from a “liberal” church, says that the image makes it seem that God is a male and his church strongly objects to that idea.

“How dare you make assumptions about my made up religion! My God’s vagina is going to be furious!”

In other words, they have no problem accepting the idea of a virgin birth or a Jewish carpenter, but the sexual bits of God are still up for debate. Awkward…

read more

Tonight Show Performs Mormon Christmas Carol for Orrin Hatch

Hallelujah!  Utah’s Republican Senator, Orrin Hatch, has bestowed to the American public the gift of song!  Hatch, who just so happens to be a devout Mormon, tore up the charts this week with “8 Days Of Hanukkah” (watch below) a Christmas carol styled ditty for the Jewish community.

Not to be outdone in the festive spirit of the season, The Tonight Show’s Max Weinberg decided to return the favor and write a holiday song aimed specifically at Mormons starring the Mormon Tapper-nacle Choir.

Praise Jesus!  It truly is a Christmawanzakkah miracle!

P.S. Was anyone else bummed out after finding out Katherine Heigl is Mormon?

read more

“I Need A Handjob!”: The best commerical for the simplest product ever!

Handjob! Is the multi-grip system that everyone’s talking about! Are you feeling tired? Frustrated? Overwhelmed? Sounds like you need a Handjob!

Beware of sloppy imitations.  You could expect to pay up to $40 elsewhere.  But right now, you can experience all the pleasure and convenience of a genuine Handjob! for yourself for the low, low price of just $4.95 plus shipping and handling.

BUT WAIT!  Order now and receive a second Handjob! absolutely FREE!  That’s two Handjobs! for under 5 bucks!  You can’t beat it!  Keep one for yourself and give one to a friend…or keep them both! We won’t tell!

Click the “ORDER NOW” button to get yours! And remember, nothing says “I like you” this holiday season quite like the gift of a HandJob!

Handjob!  You deserve it!

The best part of this is it’s a real product.

The “Hand Job” which you can purchase here aids in tasks such as opening bottle tops and jars by gripping to the lid. The creators decided that despite the nature of the item, they’d give it a sexual name and make a hilarious and sexually suggestive ad in hopes that it would go viral.  Obviously it worked.  The ad is hilarious and definitely does its job.  I’m gonna get me a Handjob!

read more

Sexism strikes scrubbing bubbles, feminists everywhere demand the end of loofahs!

I happen to find this Method ad funny, albeit creepy.  I guess that’s because I am a lecherous pervert, out for fresh vagina, or at least that is what I am supposed to think. After so much politically correct enlightenment, I have come to the conclusion I may be an ass, considering I find most everything funny while realizing a large percent of the people around me do not.

In light of this constant stream of blubbering fecundity, I am going to start adding these politically humorous affronts to the blog.  From now on, all things offensive to those without a thick skin shall be found under this heading and they shall also share the good honor of lifting my spirits. That is, of course, unless booze can be found and in such case, the booze shall do the lifting and the blog shall go to shit.

 

Video after the jump!

(more…)

read more