Tanning Memberships Plummet in Arizona

Location: Aryanzona, US

Now, don’t correct me if I’m wrong, but this new law would be a lot like carrying your ID with you at all times, right?  From what I can tell, I would liken it to a bartender carding someone at the bar when they’ve already been carded at the door.  Yes, it’s a hassle, but at the end of the day it should take just a few additional moments. The reason the bartender is carding you a second time is because you look like you are breaking a law (buying alcohol under 21 years of age.) Just don’t be caught without your papers.  “I left my green card in my other wallet” won’t really cover your ass in this situation.

Now, I for one am fine with this law in this context.  However, the problem is that this matter is not as simple as “you look too young.”   It’s a matter of “you look like a wetback.”  There really is no nice way to put it because that’s the sort of door this opens.  It’s a lot like the “at-random” bag searches at the airports after 9/11.  Anytime they were called in, Citizens of Middle-Eastern descent felt that they were being targeted for acts of violence done by people of their same ethnic background… and in some ways, they were.

I am American.  I come from a family of Mexican descent … and have never even actually been to Mexico.  I would have no qualms about being asked for my papers if they were trying to target Illegal Mexicans in a Border State.  I just think that seems like more work for them than it’s worth.

What worries me personally is that there are those out there that hate just to hate.  These people are called racists, sexists, homophobes, etc., and I can think of a few other things to call them.  I have experienced my share of racism and profiling:  from having to sneak around with a girl I was dating back in high school because her parents didn’t want her to date me because I’m “Mexican” to surprising people who don’t know me with my ability to read and write big words… in English.

I just don’t want to be out walking down a street with a bag of oranges and suddenly get pulled up alongside by a pick-up truck full of rednecks who have decided that this is a good day to have gotten boozed up and “Help Our Country” by beating the crap out of me.  If this can be avoided… that would be awesome.  Yay for not bleeding!

To those who may be flirting with this idea, to assist you in spotting Me and other Mexicans, I’ve provided the following checklist:

• We will most likely be wearing a sombrero, a poncho, chanclas (sandals), and denim shorts… that used to be denim jeans.
• We will also have tattoos of any combination of a teardrop, the Virgin Guadalupe, or the colors Red White & Green.
• Around our necks, you’ll find Selena concert tickets that we’ve had bronzed and attached to a chain.
• We will have brown skin, smell of fajitas, be carrying a bag of oranges or gum, and be surrounded by at least 11 children that are dressed in a similar fashion.

I hope this helps!

Kelsey Grammer stands up for unbiased media, by promoting biased media.

Kelsey Grammer has signed on as the spokesperson for The Right Network, a right leaning news network that claims to be in support of unbiased media and accountability. Which is rather ironic, as the name itself lends one to see the true intentions of the project. This is similar to someone starting a non partisan think tank and calling it, “Suck it Liberals, we beat off to Ronald Reagan’s ghost.” all while espousing the virtues of being unbiased. In other words, Fox News will have more company in crazy town with the bastard child of stupidity and white flight.

I can only assume this fall jarred loose the section of his brain that is responsible for the perception of irony.

Based on the logic of the folks behind these views, because the word “right” can mean “correct”, their views must be correct as they are right leaning. Point one for the literalistic, even a turd can float.

Tea Baggers and the case for mandatory college education.

I came across this video while reading Joe.My.God today and it was so hilariously succinct in portraying these people that it was almost overdone. The very mention of factual evidence causes these people to go into a mind numbing phase of non existence. It is one thing to disagree with a policy and another to blatantly disregard factual evidence in exchange for the feeling something gives you. To watch these Luddites complain about their taxes, while they are trying desperately to ignore the fact that they pay less this year, is like watching a child get caught in a lie and try and get out of it by pretending to choke to death.

Did anyone else do that as a kid? “Justice, did you cut off your sisters bangs?… Answer me right now!… Oh for fucks sake, it’s not going to work this time, you don’t have anything in your mouth. You know, I have never struck a child and I have always been proud of that, but I am willing to be proud of something else today.”

At one point one corrects the journalist by saying, “A tax cut is not the same as a tax credit.” This is absolutely correct, as they are different words for a reason. However, the fact still remains that this bagger still pays less taxes than he did last year, thus negating the entire purpose of the event. It is always interesting watching the dumbing down of America, especially when they are filled with nothing but contradictory talking points. Obama is a socialist and a communist as much as he is a human being and an Orca. The point being that you can be one or the other, but not both, much like a tax cut can not be a tax credit, but a redneck can be ill informed and still assume he is well versed in the bullshit he subscribes to.

All of this comes down to one simple thing.  These crackers are pissed that a nigger is in the White House.

Obama is a socialist minded Muslim and the Anti-Christ.

The Muslim, Socialist, Anti Christ is here!

Demetrius Byrd don’t has good englash.

Demetrius Byrd is a “wide receiver” in a sport called Football. In this sport, there is a team known as the San Diego Chargers and, from what I gather from the story, they cut him because he sucked. However, his release from the team is not what is important here. I could give a flying (something explicit) about football. After reading this story, I was knocked back by the immense amount of murder that happened to be following in his verbal trail. Demetrius Byrd has murdered the English language.

There was some controversy surrounding some tweets that Mr. Byrd had made, involving the child singer thing, Justin Bieber. Apparently, Demetrius had made a comment (jokingly it seems) asking whether or not it made him gay because he happened to enjoy Biebers music. My answer to that question would be no. It makes you a child with horrible taste, but gay? No, I think not. At this point you may be wondering why this is news and in all truth, it really isn’t. However, the tweets and their colorful phrasing were so horrendous in their denial of basic English, I couldn’t resist. Take a look.

“Hey twitt fam is it gay to like justin bieber? Cuz I’m not gay but I’m feelin dat baby sng dat shit rockin right now on my cd also.”

When allegations went around claiming that it was this tweet that got him cut from the fooserball team, he had this to say.

“TO ALL U PPL WHO THINK I GOT CUT CUZ OF THAT TWEET FUCK YALL I’M PISSED…..THANKS TO U NO DATS DUMB.”

And then, just in case you missed his reply, he was gracious enough to give us more details.

Just read this thing about me b n cut cuz I tweeted sumthin bout likin Justin Bieber I dnt like fool like dat I dnt swing that way I was talkin bout dat new song wit ludacris. But ppl need to get a life lol that’s why San Diego cut lol C’Mon Son ppl a trip now u ppl run and quote this from me thanks AJ 4 drafted me makin my dream come to tru in a comma last draft wow but dat tweet I just asked my followers wat they think ppl can’t ask shit wow God Bless Haters.

Seriously? I am not even going to use profanity for this, that’s how bat shit crazy it is. Oops.

How in the world can a person think it is even remotely acceptable or mature to talk like this? I don’t even have any jokes about this, that’s how bad this is. This man, this Byrd man right here, is the progenitor to the people in the movie Idiocracy. I mean, really. How in the world do you get through life with this English skills? No, no… you know what? Skills is the wrong word. Skill implies that you have some ability in what it is you do and ability is obviously not what Mr Byrd has going on. Someone needs to take the faseball from his lapel coat and send his dumb ass back to school. Hell, instead of throwing around the Faceball during practice, try throwing a dictionary.

Don’t catch it though. Maybe stupidity can be cured by osmosis.

All I want for Christmas is a naked midget.

There, I laid it all out on the table.

There, I said it. We all have things we are ashamed to admit in public, well now I am guilt free. It could be the fact that it’s 6 am, that I am hungry or that I took a weird hairy pill I found under the fridge, but whatever the case may be, I felt like being honest.

Don’t you look at me like that.

Chris keeps asking me what I really want for Christmas and there it is. I want to open up a big old box, wrapped with a bow, only to find an elf inside. I am pretty sure he could pull this off, because I read somewhere that midgets don’t use as much air as us, so the box would be fine with one perfectly placed breathing hole.

I expect this for Christmas, let it be known.

“I Need A Handjob!”: The best commerical for the simplest product ever!

Handjob! Is the multi-grip system that everyone’s talking about! Are you feeling tired? Frustrated? Overwhelmed? Sounds like you need a Handjob!

Beware of sloppy imitations.  You could expect to pay up to $40 elsewhere.  But right now, you can experience all the pleasure and convenience of a genuine Handjob! for yourself for the low, low price of just $4.95 plus shipping and handling.

BUT WAIT!  Order now and receive a second Handjob! absolutely FREE!  That’s two Handjobs! for under 5 bucks!  You can’t beat it!  Keep one for yourself and give one to a friend…or keep them both! We won’t tell!

Click the “ORDER NOW” button to get yours! And remember, nothing says “I like you” this holiday season quite like the gift of a HandJob!

Handjob!  You deserve it!

The best part of this is it’s a real product.

The “Hand Job” which you can purchase here aids in tasks such as opening bottle tops and jars by gripping to the lid. The creators decided that despite the nature of the item, they’d give it a sexual name and make a hilarious and sexually suggestive ad in hopes that it would go viral.  Obviously it worked.  The ad is hilarious and definitely does its job.  I’m gonna get me a Handjob!

Sexism strikes scrubbing bubbles, feminists everywhere demand the end of loofahs!

I happen to find this Method ad funny, albeit creepy.  I guess that’s because I am a lecherous pervert, out for fresh vagina, or at least that is what I am supposed to think. After so much politically correct enlightenment, I have come to the conclusion I may be an ass, considering I find most everything funny while realizing a large percent of the people around me do not.

In light of this constant stream of blubbering fecundity, I am going to start adding these politically humorous affronts to the blog.  From now on, all things offensive to those without a thick skin shall be found under this heading and they shall also share the good honor of lifting my spirits. That is, of course, unless booze can be found and in such case, the booze shall do the lifting and the blog shall go to shit.

In the 50's, women were today's Hispanics.

Video after the jump!

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