Music that made me -The Temper Trap “Sweet Disposition”

Chris has gotten me interested in this band and I can’t stop listening to their music. I plan on going out to get a real job so I can buy their album.

Ahh who am I kidding. To TPB!

If the FBI is reading this, I am totally kidding. Please don’t brown bag me.

The song is fun, light hearted and the singer has a great voice and impressive range. Two years ago I would have shunned this music because the lead singer is one of those Indonesian folks, but I have slowly learned that even gross people have feelings and I should try and respect their dumb cultures.  I was never a huge fan of “indie” music before I met Chris, but he has introduced me to some pretty cool bands. I consider that to be a fair and equal trade, as I introduced him to anal sex.

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Music that made me – Rufus Wainwright “Hallelujah”

I was a fan of Rufus Wainwright the moment I first heard this song. I happened to be watching Shrek, which I had seen many times, but I had managed to miss this somehow. I am aware that Rufus did not write this song and I like many of the different compositions of it. If it were not for the rest of his music, I may have convinced myself that it was purely this song I enjoyed and that I cared little for the singer. However, his vast collection of music is both haunting and memorable. One of my all time favorite songs sung by Rufus (other than this one) is ‘Evil Angel’, which you can listen to here.

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Music that made me – “Karma Police” by Radiohead

 

This song gave me the chills the first time I heard it and it has ceased in its tirades against, whatever emotional semblance, I still have. Simply put, its lyrics and acoustic sounds are haunting and remind me of a life I never lived and a time that never existed. Sure, that sounds all hippy dippy and aloof, but it is the truth. I used to jog every night with an old Sony Walkman and this song was always on repeat during those nightly runs. The pauses and subtle aggression used to crawl under my skin and fuel the anger I had as an emerging teenager, a teenager coming to terms with his sexuality and the world around him. This song made me want to kill myself, but in the sexiest way possible.

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Music that made me – “Kissing you” by Desiree

I heard this song long after Romeo and Juliet hit theatres and I am not even sure if I remember hearing it when I first saw the movie. There is something about this song that reminds me of a simpler me, a me that wanted unconditional, easy and trouble free love… the kind of romance that Disney offers. I remember hearing this music as a teenager, feeling drawn to the peace and promise of happiness that it offered. I have grown up a lot since then and realize that these notions of love and commitment were not only false, but unrealistic and disingenuous. I feel that the reason so many relationships end in this country is because we have all bought into the idea of a perfect, fairy lake relationship… one in which difficulty does not exist and unconditional love is a reality.

At times this idea sounds perfect, far superior than what we experience now, but in the end there is nothing pure or true about a love that stays because it has no choice. For all of the pain and heart ache that love can bring, I believe that journeying through it and reaching the end together is the most beautiful commitment any of us can ever hope for.

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Music that made me – “Dear God” Sarah McLachlan

This song is not going to be well received by religious minds, but it perfectly illustrates one of the main tenants that forced me down from my pristine Christian tower.

I spent a year of my life reading the Bible, attending church and going around trying to convert people. I was so involved in Church that I became one of those obnoxious people that go around shoving their faith in your face. It was probably this course of action that allows me to see clearly the other side of the proverbial fence.  It was only a matter of time before my rational mind and sanity kicked in and I was forced to admit I didn’t believe in God anymore and no amount of prayer was going to spontaneously create divinity.

There are few things more terrifying than losing ones faith, but nothing as freeing. After the tumbles through reality, I came out a wiser and stronger man, capable of making my own choices and accepting life’s hardships as necessity, as opposed to trial.

I do not fault the religious mind, but feel great sorrow for its potential for freedom.

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Music that made me – Fiona Apple “Pale September”

Fiona Apple is one of my all time favorite singers and song writers. Her music and lyrics can be haunting and empowering in a matter of moments and she has a way of using description that has been long lost on popular music. When people think of Fiona, they imagine the ranting crazy white girl at the MTV VMA’S, but there is so much more to her than that. When listening to her music you can feel that she is deeply emotional, sensitive and wary of the world around her. Something I completely understood as a gay teenager in Bible country. When people tell you that, at times, they crave the misery of a deep depression, this is the music that inspires such lows.

That isn’t to say that she doesn’t have quite a bit of up beat and quick paced music. Some of her best songs are breathless, leaving little place to grasp for air as you find yourself singing along. For anyone who has ever felt lost and disconnected from the world around them, Fiona Apple is there with a song to push you through. This song, is one of my favorites and brings me to a vaguely safe, but unhappy place, long lost to my childhood.

No one wants to relive a war, but we often find ourselves draw to its images.

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Music that made me – Duncan Sheik “Barely Breathing”

I have to say, that Duncan is probably my favorite singer in the world.  There is something about his voice and his music that makes my brain turn to overly emotional mush and I collapse into a memory induced coma. This song, in particular, reminds me of my early 20′s, when I was bouncing from house to house and had no idea if I was going to make it to the next year. There are going to be a lot more songs from him on this blog o’mine, so get used to it, assholes.

It also doesn’t hurt that he is incredibly good looking. I might have a small crush on him, but it’s not in one of those gay ways either… sheesh. Stop trying to put me in your little boxes!

I also had the amazing opportunity to meet him, not once, but twice. I was thin the first time I met him and a fat cow the second time. It was OK though, cause he got fat too. You know how they say girls start to share the same cycles when they live together long enough? The same can be said about people who are secretly in love, but instead of a period, we just get really fat.

Oh joy.

In this last image, my friend Lydia was being playfully yelled at by Duncan, because her mind had been overtaken by monkeys and the concept of a camera had escaped her. She took the first image with the lens cap on, the second without the flash and the third was set to video. I have a video somewhere of Duncan Sheik saying, “God Lydia, what is wrong with you? How hard is is to take a photo?” We all laughed, to which she replied, “Oh no, Duncan Sheik is yelling at me:”

He was bitch, he was.

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Music that made me – Tori Amos “Bouncing off clouds”

I believe that I may have more music than god and considering I don’t believe in god, that’s a lot of music. Don’t try and figure out the logic of that statement, it doesn’t exist. Whatever the case, I find myself listening to music nearly all day long. Yes, yes I am aware that most people listen to a lot of music and I am not trying to be one of those obnoxious douchebags that talk about music as if they are the only one who has ever discovered it. There is a word for people like that and its Hipsters.

Shudder… I hate hipsters.

Anyway, I digress.

I figured it would be fun to start inserting music into the blog, music that has been a part of my life. These are songs that have had a lot of impact on my life or have been there when I was going through something tough, like a break up or really hard gas. Some of them are cheesy, some of them are wordy, but they are all and above songs that have helped form the person I am today. Except Depeche Mode, screw those feisty queers.

This is one of my favorite Tori Amos songs, of which I have many. American Doll Posse did not turn out to be one of my favorite albums, but this song makes my diggly bits tingle. Don’t ask me what a dingly bit is, of that I have no idea.

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