Queers have bad taste – “Hard Candy” by Chase. Auto Tune engage!

This is the second time that Chase has appeared on the “Queers have bad taste” Reel O’ Rama.  Chase is an ASL interpreter, so the guy means well and he has some entertaining videos outside of this…  thing. (Entertaining in the sense that ASL is entertaining to watch, which is a bold faced lie.) However, that is where my understanding stops. This entire cluster fuck of digital diarrhea is one massive step back for the After Effects community, as it is apparent that every filter in the world was used when creating this… “adventure”. Why the dancers have a bevel and emboss effect on them is beyond me, but considering someone green lit this concept, I suppose I am asking too much in the first place.

The video starts off with some guy who finds a golden condom, an allusion to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, except that people enjoyed Willy Wonka and his chocolate factory wasn’t a thinly veiled joke about ass play. The video then goes on to a heavily photo-shopped scene where we see nearly nude men being built at some candy factory of the damned, probably managed by John Waters and Chi Chi La Rue. Moments later we see an ass less Chase getting a lollipop boner, which he then jerks off for a few moments. Hot!

Later the video commits several editing faux paus, one of which is an over abundance of sugar, glitter and butt cheeks on the screen at once. The entire time the lucky condom winner is trying to sneak through the factory to escape the sugar rape that is surely impending. Of course, just when you thought things couldn’t get any more awesome, we are treated to a scene where Chase and his bored dancers are dancing without their legs. All while having another bevel filter laid over them. OMGZ SUGAR HIGH!

Just as the video was reaching heights of gaudy, talentless insanity, Chase starts flirting with a woman. You know, nothing says mainstream like,” Oh wait! I also bone chicks!” I am not sure why he went through all of this trouble to make a fagtastic video, only to add the boob angle, unless he is trying to capture that “Look I can be Bisexual like Lady Gaga” feel. Which we all know is a lie. There is no such thing as a bisexual male. You are all gay.

I had first seen this posted on Joe.My.God and while his taste in music is questionable from time to time, his commentors had the good sense to call shit, shit. Aside from the few queers complaining that any negative commentary on the video amounted to homophobia, we had all pretty much agreed that this was horrible on every level possible. If Chase was a film director, he would be the M. Night of the gay world.

Ok, I take that back. M Night is not this bad and we all know how much I dislike Shamalama.

Just because you are gay, doesn’t mean everything you do needs to be wet, sticky and covered in naked men. That also doesn’t mean that gays with taste are not allowed to ridicule your crap. Stick to ASL. You’re making deaf people grateful for their hearing loss.

We no speak Americano – Fast fingers mock Christine O’connell

You’re welcome.

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Music that made me – “A Sorta Fairytale” Tori Amos

It is no secret that Tori Amos is one of my all time favorite artists. I was introduced to the lovely lady by my good friend “RynnFox”. She had me listen to a few of her songs many years ago, on one of many cold and lonely nights, in which I was arguing with myself on the nature of persistence. Once I heard “Little Earthquakes”I was hooked and I haven’t looked back since.

This song, “A Sorta Fairytale” is beautiful and somewhat calming, at least for me. Couple those feelings with the bizarre, yet touching video and you have a great experience, sure to lull you into an artistic frenzy. While most people jog to high intensity music, I used to go running to Tori Amos and Fiona Apple. As eyeliner as this sounds, I found the soothing feeling of depression and solitude a great motivation when running through the dark. What a emo fag I am.

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No charges for bullies in death of 13 year old Tehachapi teen.

There will be no charges filed against the students involved in the bullying of 13 year old Seth Walsh, who died this Tuesday after spending 9 days on life support. When questioned, the students expressed deep regret, some of them breaking down into tears,  but investigators did not find them responsible for the death of the teen. Not responsible in the same way that gravity is to blame when you push someone off a cliff, not the person who did the pushing.

Seth Walsh, all of 13 years old. This should never have happened.

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Pag – The Lady is Dead

This has to be one of the most beautiful videos I have ever seen. The song itself is amazingly touching, but mixed with the visual aspect of this video, I have found myself overcome by whatever emotion it was meant to produce. I have watched it several times today and felt it was worth passing on. It may be NSFW, depending on where you work.

I kid of course. Who the hell has a job anymore?

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Rachel Maddow discusses DADT repeal failure. Both parties disagree on who is more useless.

Rachel Maddow, of MSNBC, discusses what happened today with the attempted repeal of DADT. McCain, either because of his old age or festering stupidity, contradicts himself and his position on the unjust law.

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Tron Light Drive. Now is the time to break out the mushrooms, if you’ve got them.

I thought the first Tron was pretty lame, but if the new one is anything like this light inspired witchcraft, I am there. I also wish I had some mushrooms while I watched this. Mushrooms are the ones that make you see colors, right? I don’t know much about drugs, but I did see pot once. I think.

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Bear City – Fat, dirty, smelly and hairy men can be sexy too. Kinda… not really.

In their latest salvo against class and good taste, TLA Video proudly brings us, “Bear City.” Just when you thought the gay community was dealing with as much stress and pressure as possible, some ugly asshole decided to write and produce a movie that tries to sell the idea that overweight, smelly and dirty men are just as sexy as the rest of us. Obviously, if you are a fan of walking anywhere or showers, you understand the lie that is “Bear City.” Watching the trailer alone is your yearly dose of gay cliches and plot twists. I say plot twists in the same way that ending a trailer with, “Who wants to eat my ass”, is a plot twist.

I have never said this before, but I think Shymalan would actually improve this movie. I can see the twist now. At the end of the movie, as you are walking to your car, a theatre attendant gives you your money back. I’d be willing to take one for the team with a fatty, for free movie tickets.

I am all for boning a guy with a muscular body, but if you are so fat that it looks like you have to wash your ass with a rag on a stick, I am going to go ahead and pass.

Now before any of you give me shit for being judgemental, let me say this. The opinions of fat people are worth little to me, unless it’s advice on the best place to buy a pack of Spanks, Prime rib and a Hover-round…all at the same time.

You will have to excuse me while I go eat a whole tube of cinnamon roles. If this movie is at all factually correct, I have a good 40 lbs to gain before I get anywhere near sexy. Heart problems be damned, I am going to get myself a husbear!

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